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Question: Should Latter-day Saints ("Mormons") reject "wayward" family members or those who leave the Church?: Difference between revisions
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Modern leaders of the Church have taught the same doctrines: | Modern leaders of the Church have taught the same doctrines: | ||
:If couples live their married lives properly, training their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord as they themselves will live, it is quite unlikely that their home will produce delinquents, transgressors, or criminals. | :If couples live their married lives properly, training their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord as they themselves will live, it is quite unlikely that their home will produce delinquents, transgressors, or criminals.{{ref|kimball1}} | ||
Not "impossible," but "unlikely." President Kimball also taught that even the “finest youth can fall" (p. 230). He recounted: | Not "impossible," but "unlikely." President Kimball also taught that even the “finest youth can fall" (p. 230). He recounted: | ||
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:Parental training often brings rebellious children back…. The current of our life, as defined and developed in the lives of a family by the righteous teaching of parents, will often control the direction children will go, in spite of the waves and winds of numerous adverse influences of the world of error. | :Parental training often brings rebellious children back…. The current of our life, as defined and developed in the lives of a family by the righteous teaching of parents, will often control the direction children will go, in spite of the waves and winds of numerous adverse influences of the world of error. | ||
:I have sometimes seen children of good families rebel, resist, stray, sin, and even actually fight God. In this they bring sorrow to their parents, who have done their best to set in movement a current and to teach and live as examples. But I have repeatedly seen ''many'' of these same children, after years of wandering, mellow, realize what they have been missing, repent, and make great contribution to the spiritual life of their community. The reason I believe this can take place is that, despite all the adverse winds to which these people have been subjected, they have been influenced still more, and much more than they realized, by the current of life in the homes in which they were reared. | :I have sometimes seen children of good families rebel, resist, stray, sin, and even actually fight God. In this they bring sorrow to their parents, who have done their best to set in movement a current and to teach and live as examples. But I have repeatedly seen ''many'' of these same children, after years of wandering, mellow, realize what they have been missing, repent, and make great contribution to the spiritual life of their community. The reason I believe this can take place is that, despite all the adverse winds to which these people have been subjected, they have been influenced still more, and much more than they realized, by the current of life in the homes in which they were reared.{{ref|kimball2}} | ||
Note that many, not all, of these children of “good families” “are likely to” return. Present failure does not mean a parent is unfaithful. President Kimball makes the point explicit: | Note that many, not all, of these children of “good families” “are likely to” return. Present failure does not mean a parent is unfaithful. President Kimball makes the point explicit: | ||
:There is no guarantee, of course, that righteous parents will succeed always in holding their children, and certainly they may lose them if they do not do all in their power. The children have their free agency ... What we do know is that righteous parents who strive to develop wholesome influences for their children will be held blameless at the last day, and that they will succeed in saving most of their children, if not all. | :There is no guarantee, of course, that righteous parents will succeed always in holding their children, and certainly they may lose them if they do not do all in their power. The children have their free agency ... What we do know is that righteous parents who strive to develop wholesome influences for their children will be held blameless at the last day, and that they will succeed in saving most of their children, if not all.{{ref|kimball3}} | ||
The influence of a parent’s faith may well only be seen “in the next life.” And, it is only “at the last day” that this can all be judged aright by God. | The influence of a parent’s faith may well only be seen “in the next life.” And, it is only “at the last day” that this can all be judged aright by God. | ||
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Parents should have an ''increase'' of love toward wayward children: | Parents should have an ''increase'' of love toward wayward children: | ||
:What kind of a mother [or father] are you that you only love her when she does what you want her to do? That is selfish, self-centered, qualified love. It’s easy to love our children when they are good; but when they make mistakes, they need our love even more. We should love and care for them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we condone or approve of the errors, but we help, not condemn; love, not hate; forgive, not judge. We build them up rather than tear them down; we lead them, not desert them. We love when they are the most unlovable, and if you can’t or won’t do that, you are a poor mother [or father]. | :What kind of a mother [or father] are you that you only love her when she does what you want her to do? That is selfish, self-centered, qualified love. It’s easy to love our children when they are good; but when they make mistakes, they need our love even more. We should love and care for them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we condone or approve of the errors, but we help, not condemn; love, not hate; forgive, not judge. We build them up rather than tear them down; we lead them, not desert them. We love when they are the most unlovable, and if you can’t or won’t do that, you are a poor mother [or father].{{ref|gosland1}} | ||
Note the prohibition of “qualified” love, and anyone who exhibits such an attitude is a “poor” parent. Unconditional love, contrary to the critics' claim, is enjoined upon Church members especially for wayward children: | Note the prohibition of “qualified” love, and anyone who exhibits such an attitude is a “poor” parent. Unconditional love, contrary to the critics' claim, is enjoined upon Church members especially for wayward children: | ||
:It is absolutely essential that people embrace the saving principles of the gospel if they are to enter the presence of the Lord pure and clean. The catalyst which moves them to embrace these principles is always love—unconditional, unfeigned, felt to the very core by the giver and the receiver. It is the kind of love shown not by what people say but by what they do. This kind of love has the power to melt the hardest heart, to create a change in the most vile sinner, to bring men and women to their knees in humble worship. | :It is absolutely essential that people embrace the saving principles of the gospel if they are to enter the presence of the Lord pure and clean. The catalyst which moves them to embrace these principles is always love—unconditional, unfeigned, felt to the very core by the giver and the receiver. It is the kind of love shown not by what people say but by what they do. This kind of love has the power to melt the hardest heart, to create a change in the most vile sinner, to bring men and women to their knees in humble worship.{{ref|hammond1}} | ||
===How can parents help wayward children?=== | ===How can parents help wayward children?=== | ||
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Above all, one must use no force, no compulsion, no efforts to control ([http://scriptures.lds.org/dc/121/35#44 D&C 121:35-44]). | Above all, one must use no force, no compulsion, no efforts to control ([http://scriptures.lds.org/dc/121/35#44 D&C 121:35-44]). | ||
:Trying too hard to be helpful, some parents set their children’s goals for them, and then they don’t allow them the freedom to make mistakes—or the blessing of learning from them. They attempt to maintain their power and influence by force, instead of “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge…“We were to blame for a lot of our son’s behavior,” one mother laments. “All we meant to do was correct him, but we were always on his back, always putting him down.”… “Any forcing would drive our daughter away from us,” another parent says. “We want to keep her close, so for now, we’re just taking it easy.” | :Trying too hard to be helpful, some parents set their children’s goals for them, and then they don’t allow them the freedom to make mistakes—or the blessing of learning from them. They attempt to maintain their power and influence by force, instead of “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge…“We were to blame for a lot of our son’s behavior,” one mother laments. “All we meant to do was correct him, but we were always on his back, always putting him down.”… “Any forcing would drive our daughter away from us,” another parent says. “We want to keep her close, so for now, we’re just taking it easy.”{{ref|gardner1}} | ||
Is this a difficult task, to love a child with whom we do not agree? Of course. But, Christianity is full of “impossible” tasks, like loving your enemies and blessing those that curse you ([http://scriptures.lds.org/matt/5/44#44 Matthew 5:44]). | Is this a difficult task, to love a child with whom we do not agree? Of course. But, Christianity is full of “impossible” tasks, like loving your enemies and blessing those that curse you ([http://scriptures.lds.org/matt/5/44#44 Matthew 5:44]). | ||
:Lesson number one was the realization that I cannot change others; I can only change myself. As I have matured in facing the lifelong challenge with independent children, I find that my prayers are different than they used to be. I used to try to exercise faith by saying, “Heavenly Father, please help my children to change. Help them to become aware of the harmful effects of alcohol or sexual promiscuity, and help them to recognize the truths of the gospel.” But now I am more likely to exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ by saying, “Heavenly Father, I know Thou lovest my children. Help me to feel about them the same way Thou dost. Help me to love them better. Help me to understand Thy plan as it applies to them. And help me to be patient.” | :Lesson number one was the realization that I cannot change others; I can only change myself. As I have matured in facing the lifelong challenge with independent children, I find that my prayers are different than they used to be. I used to try to exercise faith by saying, “Heavenly Father, please help my children to change. Help them to become aware of the harmful effects of alcohol or sexual promiscuity, and help them to recognize the truths of the gospel.” But now I am more likely to exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ by saying, “Heavenly Father, I know Thou lovest my children. Help me to feel about them the same way Thou dost. Help me to love them better. Help me to understand Thy plan as it applies to them. And help me to be patient.”{{ref|anon1}} | ||
Such forbearance is not easy, and comes only as a gift of grace: | Such forbearance is not easy, and comes only as a gift of grace: | ||
| Line 71: | Line 64: | ||
Lorenzo Snow taught a doctrine of hope: | Lorenzo Snow taught a doctrine of hope: | ||
:If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions and receive a resurrection, you will, by the power of the Priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity. | :If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions and receive a resurrection, you will, by the power of the Priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity.{{ref|snow1}] | ||
President Snow is very clear: this promise applies in the eternities—unless the critic believes he is already a “king and priest to [his] God” who has received “a resurrection” there are no grounds for despair. | President Snow is very clear: this promise applies in the eternities—unless the critic believes he is already a “king and priest to [his] God” who has received “a resurrection” there are no grounds for despair. | ||
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This doctrine goes back to Joseph Smith, as Orson F. Whitney taught: | This doctrine goes back to Joseph Smith, as Orson F. Whitney taught: | ||
:You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours—long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend…the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. … They will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God… | :You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours—long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend…the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. … They will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God…{{ref|whitney1}} | ||
And, President Howard W. Hunter gave perspective and reassurance on these issues: | And, President Howard W. Hunter gave perspective and reassurance on these issues: | ||
:[E]veryone is different. Each of us is unique. Each child is unique. Just as each of us starts at a different point in the race of life, and just as each of us has different strengths and weaknesses and talents, so each child is blessed with his own special set of characteristics. We must not assume that the Lord will judge the success of one in precisely the same way as another. As parents we often assume that, if our child doesn’t become an overachiever in every way, we have failed. We should be careful in our judgments. | :[E]veryone is different. Each of us is unique. Each child is unique. Just as each of us starts at a different point in the race of life, and just as each of us has different strengths and weaknesses and talents, so each child is blessed with his own special set of characteristics. We must not assume that the Lord will judge the success of one in precisely the same way as another. As parents we often assume that, if our child doesn’t become an overachiever in every way, we have failed. We should be careful in our judgments.{{ref|hunter1}} | ||
==Conclusion== | ==Conclusion== | ||
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The critics' charges that family members must 'force' others into obedience for fear of their own salvation turns LDS doctrine on its head. | The critics' charges that family members must 'force' others into obedience for fear of their own salvation turns LDS doctrine on its head. | ||
==Endnotes== | |||
#{{note|kimball1}}Spencer W. Kimball, ''The Miracle of Forgiveness'' | |||
(Bookcraft, Salt Lake City, 1969), 236. | |||
#{{note|kimball2}}Spencer W. Kimball, ''Teachings of Spencer W. | |||
Kimball'', edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, | |||
1982), 334, emphasis added. | |||
#{{note|kimball3}}Spencer W. Kimball, ''Teachings of Spencer W. | |||
Kimball'', edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, | |||
1982), 334. | |||
#{{note|gosland1}} Jack H. Gosland, ''Conference Report'' (Apr. 1981): 79; or ''Ensign'' (May 1981): 60. | |||
#{{note|hammond1}} F. Melvin Hammond, “Parents, Never Give Up,” ''Ensign'' (Jan. 1994): 47. | |||
#{{note|gardner1}}Marvin K. Gardner, “Keeping the Door Open and the Stew Hot: Loving and Helping a Wayward Child,” ''Ensign'' (Aug. 1982): 9. | |||
#{{note|anon1}} “I Won’t Give Up on Them!” ''Ensign'' (Feb. 2004): 44. | |||
#{(note|snow1}} Lorenzo Snow, ''Collected Discourses: delivered by Wilford Woodruff, his two counselors, the twelve apostles, and others'', compiled Brian H. Stuy, 5 vols, (Burbank, Calif. : B.H.S. Pub., 1987–92), 3: 364. | |||
#{{note|whitney1}} Orson F. Whitney, ''Conference Report'' (Apr. 1929): 110. | |||
#{{note|hunter1}} Howard W. Hunter, “Parents’ Concern for Children,” ''Ensign'' (Nov. 1983): 63. | |||
==Further reading== | ==Further reading== | ||
Revision as of 20:05, 5 December 2005
This article is a draft. FairMormon editors are currently editing it. We welcome your suggestions on improving the content.
Criticism
Some critics insist that the Church teaches such principles as:
- those who are less faithful to Church teachings should (or inevitably will) receive less love
- we should reject those who reject the Church
- children reject the Church through the fault of parents who "don't have enough faith."
These issues are also more generally relevant for those who seek help from FAIR, since readers may be struggling with family members who have left the Church because of anti-Mormon materials.
Source(s) of the Criticism
- Bob McCue, "Out of My Faith," 26 May 2003, 118-119.
Response
Are parents to 'blame' when children go astray?
LDS doctrine considers humans to be the literal spirit children of God. The LDS doctrine of premortal existence also mentions the fact that a third of God's spirit children rejected Christ to follow Satan (D&C 29:30). Biblical patriarchs such as Isaac (Genesis 26:34-35) and Jacob (Genesis 38:7, Genesis 38:12-26) had descendants who brought them great grief through wickedness. Book of Mormon prophets, such as Lehi (1 Nephi 2:11-12), Mosiah , and Alma (Mosiah 27:8) had wayward children, as did many unnamed parents (Mosiah 26:1-2, 3 Nephi 1:30).
Thus, a wayward child is clearly no sign of parental failure: if so, God and some of His greatest prophets would stand condemned.
Modern leaders of the Church have taught the same doctrines:
- If couples live their married lives properly, training their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord as they themselves will live, it is quite unlikely that their home will produce delinquents, transgressors, or criminals.[1]
Not "impossible," but "unlikely." President Kimball also taught that even the “finest youth can fall" (p. 230). He recounted:
- Parental training often brings rebellious children back…. The current of our life, as defined and developed in the lives of a family by the righteous teaching of parents, will often control the direction children will go, in spite of the waves and winds of numerous adverse influences of the world of error.
- I have sometimes seen children of good families rebel, resist, stray, sin, and even actually fight God. In this they bring sorrow to their parents, who have done their best to set in movement a current and to teach and live as examples. But I have repeatedly seen many of these same children, after years of wandering, mellow, realize what they have been missing, repent, and make great contribution to the spiritual life of their community. The reason I believe this can take place is that, despite all the adverse winds to which these people have been subjected, they have been influenced still more, and much more than they realized, by the current of life in the homes in which they were reared.[2]
Note that many, not all, of these children of “good families” “are likely to” return. Present failure does not mean a parent is unfaithful. President Kimball makes the point explicit:
- There is no guarantee, of course, that righteous parents will succeed always in holding their children, and certainly they may lose them if they do not do all in their power. The children have their free agency ... What we do know is that righteous parents who strive to develop wholesome influences for their children will be held blameless at the last day, and that they will succeed in saving most of their children, if not all.[3]
The influence of a parent’s faith may well only be seen “in the next life.” And, it is only “at the last day” that this can all be judged aright by God.
How should parents treat wayward children?
Parents should have an increase of love toward wayward children:
- What kind of a mother [or father] are you that you only love her when she does what you want her to do? That is selfish, self-centered, qualified love. It’s easy to love our children when they are good; but when they make mistakes, they need our love even more. We should love and care for them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we condone or approve of the errors, but we help, not condemn; love, not hate; forgive, not judge. We build them up rather than tear them down; we lead them, not desert them. We love when they are the most unlovable, and if you can’t or won’t do that, you are a poor mother [or father].[4]
Note the prohibition of “qualified” love, and anyone who exhibits such an attitude is a “poor” parent. Unconditional love, contrary to the critics' claim, is enjoined upon Church members especially for wayward children:
- It is absolutely essential that people embrace the saving principles of the gospel if they are to enter the presence of the Lord pure and clean. The catalyst which moves them to embrace these principles is always love—unconditional, unfeigned, felt to the very core by the giver and the receiver. It is the kind of love shown not by what people say but by what they do. This kind of love has the power to melt the hardest heart, to create a change in the most vile sinner, to bring men and women to their knees in humble worship.[5]
How can parents help wayward children?
Above all, one must use no force, no compulsion, no efforts to control (D&C 121:35-44).
- Trying too hard to be helpful, some parents set their children’s goals for them, and then they don’t allow them the freedom to make mistakes—or the blessing of learning from them. They attempt to maintain their power and influence by force, instead of “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge…“We were to blame for a lot of our son’s behavior,” one mother laments. “All we meant to do was correct him, but we were always on his back, always putting him down.”… “Any forcing would drive our daughter away from us,” another parent says. “We want to keep her close, so for now, we’re just taking it easy.”[6]
Is this a difficult task, to love a child with whom we do not agree? Of course. But, Christianity is full of “impossible” tasks, like loving your enemies and blessing those that curse you (Matthew 5:44).
- Lesson number one was the realization that I cannot change others; I can only change myself. As I have matured in facing the lifelong challenge with independent children, I find that my prayers are different than they used to be. I used to try to exercise faith by saying, “Heavenly Father, please help my children to change. Help them to become aware of the harmful effects of alcohol or sexual promiscuity, and help them to recognize the truths of the gospel.” But now I am more likely to exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ by saying, “Heavenly Father, I know Thou lovest my children. Help me to feel about them the same way Thou dost. Help me to love them better. Help me to understand Thy plan as it applies to them. And help me to be patient.”[7]
Such forbearance is not easy, and comes only as a gift of grace:
- 47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. 48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. Moroni 7:47-48
What is the fate of the wayward?
Lorenzo Snow taught a doctrine of hope:
- If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions and receive a resurrection, you will, by the power of the Priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity.<sup id="ref_snow1}]
President Snow is very clear: this promise applies in the eternities—unless the critic believes he is already a “king and priest to [his] God” who has received “a resurrection” there are no grounds for despair.
This doctrine goes back to Joseph Smith, as Orson F. Whitney taught:
- You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours—long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend…the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. … They will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God…[8]
And, President Howard W. Hunter gave perspective and reassurance on these issues:
- [E]veryone is different. Each of us is unique. Each child is unique. Just as each of us starts at a different point in the race of life, and just as each of us has different strengths and weaknesses and talents, so each child is blessed with his own special set of characteristics. We must not assume that the Lord will judge the success of one in precisely the same way as another. As parents we often assume that, if our child doesn’t become an overachiever in every way, we have failed. We should be careful in our judgments.[9]
Conclusion
The Saints are encouraged to love everyone, despite their choices. They must never seek to control or compel another, and must leave matters of faith to the influence of God and His spirit.
There is no Church doctrine which teaches that sincere parents are condemned for their childrens' choices; indeed, there is great hope for wayward family members.
The critics' charges that family members must 'force' others into obedience for fear of their own salvation turns LDS doctrine on its head.
Endnotes
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness
(Bookcraft, Salt Lake City, 1969), 236.
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, Teachings of Spencer W.
Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft,
1982), 334, emphasis added.
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, Teachings of Spencer W.
Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft,
1982), 334.
- [note] Jack H. Gosland, Conference Report (Apr. 1981): 79; or Ensign (May 1981): 60.
- [note] F. Melvin Hammond, “Parents, Never Give Up,” Ensign (Jan. 1994): 47.
- [note] Marvin K. Gardner, “Keeping the Door Open and the Stew Hot: Loving and Helping a Wayward Child,” Ensign (Aug. 1982): 9.
- [note] “I Won’t Give Up on Them!” Ensign (Feb. 2004): 44.
- {(note" class="plainlinksneverexpand">[10]
President Snow is very clear: this promise applies in the eternities—unless the critic believes he is already a “king and priest to [his] God” who has received “a resurrection” there are no grounds for despair.
This doctrine goes back to Joseph Smith, as Orson F. Whitney taught:
- You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours—long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend…the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. … They will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God…[11]
And, President Howard W. Hunter gave perspective and reassurance on these issues:
- [E]veryone is different. Each of us is unique. Each child is unique. Just as each of us starts at a different point in the race of life, and just as each of us has different strengths and weaknesses and talents, so each child is blessed with his own special set of characteristics. We must not assume that the Lord will judge the success of one in precisely the same way as another. As parents we often assume that, if our child doesn’t become an overachiever in every way, we have failed. We should be careful in our judgments.[12]
Conclusion
The Saints are encouraged to love everyone, despite their choices. They must never seek to control or compel another, and must leave matters of faith to the influence of God and His spirit.
There is no Church doctrine which teaches that sincere parents are condemned for their childrens' choices; indeed, there is great hope for wayward family members.
The critics' charges that family members must 'force' others into obedience for fear of their own salvation turns LDS doctrine on its head.
Endnotes
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness
(Bookcraft, Salt Lake City, 1969), 236.
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, Teachings of Spencer W.
Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft,
1982), 334, emphasis added.
- [note] Spencer W. Kimball, Teachings of Spencer W.
Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball, (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft,
1982), 334.
- [note] Jack H. Gosland, Conference Report (Apr. 1981): 79; or Ensign (May 1981): 60.
- [note] F. Melvin Hammond, “Parents, Never Give Up,” Ensign (Jan. 1994): 47.
- [note] Marvin K. Gardner, “Keeping the Door Open and the Stew Hot: Loving and Helping a Wayward Child,” Ensign (Aug. 1982): 9.
- [note] “I Won’t Give Up on Them!” Ensign (Feb. 2004): 44.
- {(note] Lorenzo Snow, Collected Discourses: delivered by Wilford Woodruff, his two counselors, the twelve apostles, and others, compiled Brian H. Stuy, 5 vols, (Burbank, Calif. : B.H.S. Pub., 1987–92), 3: 364.
- [note] Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report (Apr. 1929): 110.
- [note] Howard W. Hunter, “Parents’ Concern for Children,” Ensign (Nov. 1983): 63.
Further reading
FAIR wiki articles
FAIR web site
- FAIR Topical Guide:
External links
- LDS.org: Teaching Children through Example and Instruction *
- LDS.org: Roles and Responsibilities of Fathers and Mothers *
- Carlfred B. Broderick, "The Brothers of Jesus: Loving the Unbelieving Relative," Ensign (March 1987): 50.*
- John K. Carmack, "When Our Children go Astray," Ensign, (Nov. 1994): 49-51.*
- Jeffrey R. Holland "Because She Is A Mother," Ensign (May 1997): 35-37.[*
Printed material
- Printed resources whose text is not available online